Next attempt at becoming famous....

So Jess and I have created the perfect plan in my continued search for fame. This is possibly the best idea ever!

background info: In the last year or so I've really taught Jess on how to classy things up. I am very impressed with her upgrade to classy.

I feel like I should share my gift with others.... So it is only right that I will have my own tv show. From Trash to Class with Ash.

Ofcourse, we need to get someone to follow us around with a camera to document roomie's metamorphosis.
We can then post it on youtube until a famous executive sees it there and purchases it from me for millions, and then offers me a deal to have my own show on UPN, just like Tyra.

We might even make it on the Tyra show!

How could an idea like this go wrong?

One Last Blog Before Vegas

reasons I'm not looking forward to this trip
1) waking up at 3am on Sunday
2) charter bus from enrollment center to Midway
3) wearing business casual clothing on the plane
4) $150 room deposit - which I do not have
5) Vegas with Mom - need I say more?
6) an awards banquet for people that I do not care about
7) wearing a formal dress

reasons to look forward to this trip
After my acting debut, I will become famous!

....

wow I guess its been awhile since my last post but not a lot has changed

1) thanksgiving was a success - a little too much family bonding but i really enjoyed townie bar night. It pretty much made my whole weekend. The only way I can handle the townies is when I'm drunk so it makes sense.
2) roomie and I have been very domestic lately. We have been cooking and cleaning fools. We made cookies and got drunk last Saturday night and then had a nice little family bake day with mother and taylor on Sunday.
3) I have started preparing for when I become Famous in Vegas (acting debut) Last night in class we had to perform a play in front of the class. I totally dominated which made me realize that I do have the skills to become famous.
4) I have actually had a good week at work - for the first time in a month or two, I actually met my goal. Whew.. now it's time to set up for the next week
5) still enjoying time with roommate. Since she has moved in I have had my bills go down and I also get to listen to her reasonings as to why Eggs should be considered dairy (ya know, they are next to the cottage cheese and milk)
6) I bought a dress for vegas - FINALLY. If it doesnt work then I am basically screwed. It should be in the mail today. I guess I'll keep you posted on that one
7) I've finally joined a gym and started the work out process. My ass hurts nightly because I like to ride the bike and listen to my ipod. I should probably work other parts of my body but the machines look complicated. This is why I am glad that I have an athletic roommate

A Bay Bay

This is for Jess!!!!


A whack song made by hurricane chris.
A bay bay is a stupid phrase...who uses it anyway? Hurricane chris is just a poser rapper who got lucky.

What a dip shit says
homie 1:oh homie G (add more generic urban slang)
homie 2:yes ma home dog
homie 1:look at that fine female
homie 2:hey lets make total asses of ourselves. ya down?
homie 1:sure
both homies together: a bay bay.

slang for hey baby; something that u say 2 show interest in a hot gurl in the clubmade popular by the song A Bay Bay by Hirricane Chris
Damn!!! Look at that hottie! A Bay Bay

the worst rap song published in the 21st century. This song sets back the black rights movement by atleast 20 years.
stupid ass niggas in the club a bay bay

the gayest shit to be played on the radio
Hurricane Chris acts like he's bad ass cuz he sings "a bay bay"

urbandictionary.com

I have found a new love - Word of the Day from www.urbandictionary.com

I will be expanding my vocab to include some of these phrases

complete hilarity

text social
When a group of people, usually three or more, all simultaneously text others not present, instead of conversing with each other.
We were got together for a drink last night but ended up having a text social instead.

roll thick
To associate with a large group of people. To travel/go out with a large entourage.
Don't mess with Tyrone. He rolls thick.

penis sympathy
The faint, lingering feeling of vicarious pain most men feel when they hear of another man in a situation where his penis has been injured.
Hey Jack, remember the end of that fishing trip when the car trunk accidentally slammed down on Phil's crotch? Man, I couldn't have sex for days after that one.

Phone Grope
Grabbing at pockets, patting yourself down to make sure you have your cellphone and don't need to turn around and go back home for it. This behaviour tends to be heightened in people who also have a habit of going back to check the locks on the doors several times before leaving home.
Dude, stop that.What?Quit the phone grope. You're always grabbing at your pockets as soon as we're on the road. Didn't you remember your cell?

fire hazard
A man who is utterly in denial of his homosexuality(in the closet) despite the fact that he is clearly gay to the objective observer(flaming).
Hey Mike, Jessica's fire hazard of a husband was checking out your ass again.

A Second Job?!?!?

well to start off I guess I should update on the weekend. Here are the basics

Jess and I
handle of Jose
limes

I don't think you need much else to have fun...

so I drank way too much on Friday night - but not as much as Jess. She managed to pass out by midnight? This was right after she spilled a margarita on Derek and threw a deck of cards at him. She knew she should put her self to sleep. I passed out around 3 - after sister kept calling to hear her ringback tone. (sis, do you remember that?) I got up at 7:30 to babysit for Kristy... babysat from 9-5:30 which was exhausting but I made $50. By the time I made it back to the apt, Jess informed me that we would be going out for the 2nd night in a row. We went to Derek's house and drank for awhile. I really wasn't feelin too social so we made it back to the apt by 12. Had a few visitors and managed to pass out by 2. On Sunday I finally got to sleep in - AMAZING! Jess and I went to Old Navy and VS (specifically so I did not have to do laundry) we then headed to Chili's for dinner - delish. Later that night I told Jess that I was bored and she had to entertain me. She suggested that we finish up the bottle of Jose. Sounded like a great plan to me... 2 hours, 2 margaritas, and 2 shots later we were both drunk. Luckily, it was before 10 so we got a good night of sleep

I filled out an application to work at Old Navy - they called today and want to set up an interview. I still have to call them back... and still debating if I really NEED a 2nd job. Anne worked at the Old Navy in Peoria and didn't seem to mind it - she will also be working at the gap so maybe things won't be so bad? Who knows if I'd even get the job - but they would be stupid not to hire me. After all, I did work at Kohls for a year - which was the worst job ever. It should show them that I am dedicated... or poor....

I'm going home tonight to work on homework for class tomorrow and to pick up my laptop. I finally called mediacom to set up my own account - Jess and I had a little fun with Jenn's account over the weekend - she should really learn to cancel her account. Especially when she owes me money - that was silly on her part. I guess she'll learn her lesson when she gets her bill in the mail.

I have a roommate... again

well its been awhile since the last update -

the trip to chicago was a success - here are a few hilights
a) i bought an amazing coach purse and wallet for the low price of $250. Seriously.. amazing deal
b) I had my first shot of patron - although it was at the end of the night so I don't really remember it. I also blame it for my drunkeness.
c) my sister was at a bar (completely trashed) she ended up dancing with some black guy and then came back to me and said "ooooh my first interracial relationship" - wow
d) I drove to and from Chicago without getting lost, shot or hitting a deer

EXCITING UPDATE

tonight I am celebrating becaise Jess is FINALLY moving in. It was cute - last night we went grocery shopping, made dinner and watched Grey's together. I can't wait to live with her again. She also brought up the fact that since we are finally living together again it will be easier for her to visit sister.

so back to the celebration - I've created an event of "Margarita Madness"
it involves a handle of Jose and a few limes - what more do you need?

I have to get up early on Saturday to babysit for Kristy Rice, I most likely will be hungover so this better be a good paying job

about ready to leave work for the night and head over to el toro!

i'm (almost) famous!

A lot has happened since my last blog - im surprised i even have time to update this.. with my hollywood lifestyle and all.

It all started with my acting debut last week - I believe it was for an Ashford promotional video or some sort of video that they are playing while we are in Vegas. Well, I had 3 lines... I should probably mention that of the select few that were chosen for the video, I didn't see anyone with 3 lines. They obviously saw my talent from the beginning. I might as well claim a spot on http://imdb.com/

Over the weekend I was plagued with a stuffed nose and a smoker's hack... I have recently discovered that this could also be known as a cold. I hate being sick... plus nobody likes listening to a sick person on the phone... what a disaster.

As my blogging continues I am supposed to be focusing on my final paper for class... well we all know my procrastination habbits have not changed. so instead, it might be complete by tomorrow or wednesday. I might blame this sickness on it

Earlier this week, I thought I would become a technical marvel and hook up the internet that I have been paying for to my computer.... Sadly, it was not as easy as it seemed. I guess I have to call mediacom and ask for a code or some bull shit. I am very angry.. and i've had to come home for the last two days just to use the internet. Luckily you all benefit from reading this hilarious blog.


Countdowns:
57 days til Christmas
41 days til Ashford goes to VEGAS!!!!!!!! also the # of days til I am famous!
5 days til Tay and I visit sister

T.G.I.F.

Happy Friday

It’s been forever since I have done updating of any sort… hard to do when I don’t have internet access at my apartment and limited access at work. The week has gone by pretty slow but all in all not too bad.

I’m adjusting to being on my own for now – Jenn basically moved out. She still has ½ of her stuff at the apartment but she hasn’t been there for a week. Still trying to get the apartment cleaned up... I’ve been so focused on being social I haven’t paid attention to laundry and homework.

Can’t wait for Jess to move in, I can tell already we are going to be bad news – well, or good news! We’ve gone out numerous times. Usually to shady Mexican places like La Feria and El Toro – both of which are delish – Special shout out to Jeff for buying drinks last night!

Back to this whole internet thing – I really need to hook it up. Anyone want to help me? That would be great. I miss my connection to the world outside of Iowa

Work has gone very well this week; I hit my goal of 4 applications for the first time in about 2 months. Pretty much an all star (or as close as I can get)

Holla at sister for sending a kick ass thank-you card I loved it
“It was good to see that you can hold up to the reputation that I have set for alcohol consumption combined with complete hilarity” (duh)

In other exciting news, my financial aid disbursement FINALLY came into today. I have to stop by campus and pick it up. Which means I should finally be caught up on most of my bills… maybe have a little extra for savings…

Merri is home for fall break = us spending the night together drinking and catching up on recent events. It also usually involves us creating a special drink for the night. I’m already thinking of some creative ideas. All else fails, there is always margaritas and wine.

I'm Domestic

I know it’s hard to believe… but true. I went back to my apartment last night – after not being there since Thursday morning. I came back to chaos! The apartment was a disaster area.

List of domestic things I did
1) washed dishes – they had been sitting in a sink of water since Friday
2) Folded & hung up laundry that I did at home
3) Took out garbage, all 7 bags – I didn’t notice that the CR left numerous bags of trash out on the deck instead of taking it to the dumpster. Is it really that far of a walk? Still annoyed by this – most of the bags had sat out in the rain for a couple days
4) Cleaned up the kitchen – threw away moldy food. I knew I was smart for never buying groceries – I didn’t have to throw away anything of mine. There’s still some suspicious lunchmeat in the fridge – I’m making CR test it out, she thinks its fine

In other news, I came back to work yesterday to find out that all AU employees received the ipod nano in appreciation of reaching 10,000 students! I’m still figuring it out but very excited that I finally have an ipod which I did not have to pay for it. Although I noticed that the AU logo is engraved on the back… whatev

So as of this weekend, I will be back to living with Jess. So excited to have her back in my life (as a roommate) we really don’t see enough of each other at work! Jenn will be off to the exciting world of Peoria to work in a daycare and live with the boy toy. He bought me a bottle of UV so I can’t complain.

I would also like to point out that Taylor has been working at Ashford for a solid 4 months now = $1000 referral bonus for this girl! Tay, we will go out for drinks! Sister, I might finally have money for a birthday present

Also, tomorrow is sister’s birthday!!! Hope you have a great one! I’m still excited about all the fun pics from the weekend. And yes Jenna, there was a photo booth at the bar – you walked past it every time you went to get a drink!

photo booth at a bar

I had a ton of fun in chicago this weekend.... so much to blog about....

but its late and for now i just want to point out this is exactly why bars should NOT have photobooths - memories for the low cost of $3

VIVA CHICAGO

countdown continues: in 2 short days I will be in the windy city visiting sister for the quarter-century party! Sister always makes good points as to why this trip will be such a success... here is an example (an email she sent this morning to Jess and I)

Subject: reasons you should come to Chicago this weekend
1) I’m here (duh)
2) 3 hours of all the booze you can drink for the low cost of $27
3) Frolicking about to various other booze and food establishments
4) A good chance to get out of the cornfields for a weekend
5) Bonding time with your former and future roommate
6) Celebrate move out of parent’s house

So, there you have it. 6 OUTSTANDING and CREATIVE reasons that you should come with ash this weekend. Call off McDonalds!! (but could you bring me a southwest salad? Those are tasty) (directed at Jess cause she is a crew bitch) Come on! Its time to live it up!!

I have created my own witty list as to why I am excited for a road trip

other reasons Chicago is fun:
1) dad registered his IPASS for my car = no tolls
2) every road trip needs a mixed cd
3) having other drivers be jealous of my sweet car
4) a partner in crime (jess) would be nice to have on the way there
5) reminiscing about Anne's "glory days"
6) Challenging myself to consume more than $27 of alcohol
7) SOUVENIRS! I love gifts from other cities
8) Finally seeing sister's apt - after all, she's been there since May!
9) hearing a live version of "RUN IT" instead of sister always texting me or drunk dialing to sing it to me

Well I can't leave this list at 9 reasons....

I will update with reason 10 later

any suggestions?

Who's At The Top?

ME! ME! ME!

kicking ass at work this week

It's Tuesday and I have enrolled 3 students - most of you have no idea what this means... my weekly goal is 4 so to be at 3 on a Tuesday is pretty superb

to give you an idea: for the weekly rankings I am # 1 out of 113 enrollment advisors.

Like you should expect any less?

I participated in a training conference call today - I'm friends with the trainer so I got some starbursts in return.... sweet

For the second day in a row, I have made it to work around 8:30 - I'm never really on time but the normal is around 9:30. It's nice to leave work when it is still light out - I'm sure this will change when the time difference thingy takes effect.

in other recent events,

THURSDAY is almost here = new season of Grey's. Don't bother calling me between 8-9, I will NOT answer. So excited!!!

today was pay day = paying past due bills & having enough left over to visit sister this weekend for the birthday bash of the quarter century. Maybe even a little birthday gift?

Taylor is out at Happy Hour celebrating our pay day... since we're old, we don't get excited about much. I should be with her but I think I will do a little shopping instead

I've made it through another day of work !

Emails - my new texting

Well I have come across the conclusion that my emailing habits have turned into those of a texter. I guess I have officially joined the "working world" I am very proud to say that I sent 92 emails on Friday. This actually excites me - Anne, this is comparable when you get excited to sending 1000 texts in a month.

I feel like this is a large amount of emailing for one day, but I could be wrong. I need to find out an average number. I am sure I surpassed it

In other recent events, I got my hair cut today. Just call me Becks. I had to get sexified for Anne's party - which I can not stop thinking about. Just one short week and I will be livin it up in the windy city!

I really need to find more friends that will also blog - I like comments and reading witty blogs. This is why I liked blogging on myspace..... I guess it's an adjustment

Ug I'm old - officially closer to 23 instead of 22

sister, you did not even realize it was my 1/2 birthday - come on now!

I don't like you either

One of my co-workers had the nerve to tell me that I am unfriendly. ME! UNFRIENDLY!?

My response: i am not! if i was unfriendly to you, i would not talk to you….be grateful i acknowledge you on a daily basis

I don’t think he realizes that I am so hilarious that I have too many friends. Which if he knew my sister; he would have a better idea of what unfriendly really is. (Anne, I’m sure you take this as a compliment) I am way too nice to the people I work with.

I really need to get back to work, seeing as how I havent accomplished much of anything today. I did receive this forward that is still making me laugh:

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving .

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"